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Chronic Pain, Endo and, Me

My journey with endometriosis started when I was 14 the day of my first ever period. It was painful but no one told me it wasn’t normal, I had friends going on this “magic pill” that completely stopped their periods which sounded like bliss to me. So I made an appointment with my doctor to get on this trend too. I managed school and life well it wasn’t until my first month of university that what I know now as endometriosis began. I had my first misdiagnosis, my pain was so bad I was admitted to hospital to get my appendix out. Which of course the doctor told me that it wasn’t inflamed nor did I have endometriosis.

So I believed their opinion until the next month I was on the floor crippling in pain and admitted to hospital again, which became a common theme for me and frustration from the disbelief i was in pain until 1 year of misdiagnosis. I was believed in my pain and that it was real, it was honestly a miracle. After this became my first endometriosis surgery, where I was diagnosed with endo which was the biggest relief of my life. I was lucky too in it had gone everywhere apart from my fallopian tubes and ovaries. But, as we all know it is 50/50 how the operation goes and if you get it once and never again otherwise it will stay. One of the hardest thing was I was out of this crippling pain but I now had pain everyday. No matter how many pills I would have for pain, my best friend was a weat bag. I managed this until I got an ovarian cyst then my pain was back, with the familiar hospital admissions.

Which is where the trauma of endometriosis comes, because when you have bee this pain everyday and you just want one break, one good sleep, one night not crying because you would do anything to have a normal life and not let down your friends. Their disbelief in your is the worst thing I have experienced. It is the most difficult thing being in that much pain and their plan is to just not listen and discharge you in the morning. It got so bad, I now have to manage my endo flare ups at home.

I ended up getting the cyst taken out and lots of scar tissue removed, but it turned out to be my scariest operations as afterwards my gynecologist said that he wasn’t happy with my fertility this time. Telling me that everything was blocked and he didn’t like my chances of getting pregnant naturally and gave me the IVF option if things don’t go successfully when I am trying.

This illness doesn’t just effect your uterus, it effects your self esteem because your bloated and don’t understand why your friends don’t look like you, or why you are convinced you shouldn’t be feeling daggers every-time you have sex, or all the times you have to cancel your plans because your having a bad day, or are too fatigued to do anything, it is the frustration of not being believed by health professionals you defiantly have endo, or how emotionally exhausted you are of fighting or it is the daily battle you choose to keep going with no matter how hard this is. Endo teaches you how to be one badass who chooses to stay no matter how much her body is telling her to give up, or how you should make the most of the good days you have been blessed with where your pain is slightly less today, or when you figure a routine that works for you.

My endometriosis battle is far from over, after 4 surgeries and 3 years of chronic pain. But I am so blessed when I have a pain free day or when I have a consult with someone who believes me. I hope that your journey can be an pain free and easy as possible x

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